Beloved and Chastened The journey of a Christian Domestic Discipline wife. rodofkindness@gmail.com Monday, October 31, 2022 Why I Am Glad We Do This

https://belovedandchastened.blogspot.com/2022/10/why-i-am-glad-we-do-this.html Beloved and Chastened The journey of a Christian Domestic Discipline wife. rodofkindness@gmail.com Monday, October 31, 2022 Why I Am Glad We Do This Why I am glad to be disciplined by my husband: - It reminds me of my responsibility to obey and submit to him. Ever since I accepted submission to my husband as something I would yield to as a requirement on my life, I've discovered a few things: Submission is shown in deeds, but it also consists of an entire mental state (thoughts/viewpoint) and a whole set of emotions. And these are pleasant emotions, that have a back-and-forth element between him and I as we relate to one another through them. But they are very, very easy to lose touch with, because other mindsets and emotions (ego -- wanting my way, wanting to be right, etc) tend to scream more loudly when they are loosed. Being disciplined often shuts down the competing thoughts and emotions and allows the submissive ones to come back louder. This includes my sense of submission to God, as I believe He upholds the hierarchy in my marriage, so submitting to my husband is done also as submission to Him. Thus submission to my husband is a spiritual practice, and one that I struggle at times to maintain, but discipline helps me maintain it. - It relieves me of the burden of disobedience, and lets me know I'm not alone in carrying it. I was amazed when I had my first spanking that the overwhelming reaction I had to it was one of relief. I was relieved to know he was entering into my life in this way, and that I was not going to be alone anymore in this part of my heart I discovered can't live without authority and discipline. - It feels clean and right I think this was one of the biggest things my husband and I discovered as we stepped into this very taboo sort of thing. Every voice around us (just google "Christian Domestic Discipline") screamed such a thing was wrong -- that wanting discipline or giving discipline as an adult was wrong and twisted. That it was either a kink or it was abuse. But each time my husband disciplined me, we were overwhelmed by an unexpected sense of it being "right," of it having a wholesomeness and sanctity to it, that it lined up with convictions we had about our places together and felt like a necessary and fitting consequence and connection to one another in the midst of things I did to deserve chastisement. - It helps me feel strong and brave This was another unexpected side effect. Spider on the door post? I don't like it but I can handle it (and I couldn't before.). Why? I'm not totally sure, but there's something about knowing what the right things are to fear that makes other silly things fade in comparison. Fearing my husband a bit (which also linked to fearing the Lord) actually makes me feel strong and fearless towards other things. Also, there's something about learning to bravely face painful consequences that one earns that makes one feel more upright, more grounded in concrete truths about oneself and living rightly, and more inwardly fortified. Having fears realized (he's going to spank me if I disclose XYZ) and learning to confess XYZ and take the spanking, also chases away hidden fears because I learn I prefer the chastisement to the fear and darkness of hiding something. - It helps him grow in confidence as my leader My husband tells me when I ask him how he feels after he's disciplined me, that he feels more confident as a man. He hasn't expounded on this so I can't much either, but I know he works a stressful job that breaks him down at times with self-doubt. But he doesn't need to doubt himself when he makes my behind red. His role there is secure. So he gets the reward for himself of being the strong one at least at home which helps him and helps me. - It helps affirm his right to assume my submission is required Spanking me is a concrete way to affirm his authority over me. He doesn't need to just endure or put up with unpleasantness from me. He doesn't need to question over whether or not he has a right to ask me to do something or stop doing something. He enjoys expecting my submission when he speaks to me and if I am doing something he doesn't like, he can make it stop immediately when he notices it or wants to do so, whether it is just by warning me (which is based on his track record of firm discipline) or by jumping right to discipline itself. I affirm his right to have control over me as much as he wants it. - It strengthens our awareness that our bodies (and our selves) belong to each other Spanking me is a concrete expression that I belong to him. I kneel down and give him my nakedness and he gets to do what he wants to do on my bottom, and I cooperate and agree with what he wants to do, because I belong to him. (Not only is this physical, but the rationale for what he does on my bottom is in most cases linked to an expectation of certain behavior owed him on my part.) And in our case, whenever he is finished with disciplining me, he almost always jumps on me and covers me with his body, as if he is protecting me from some big mean person who just spanked me. He doesn't like to hurt me, so he adorably offers me his body as a shield whenever he has needed to hurt me. At any rate, it is clear we belong to each other. - It strengthens our bond And knowing that we have this agreement of him being able to belt or spank me whenever he wants, for as long as he wants, as hard as he wants, for whatever reason he wants, forms an agreement between us. We went to a wedding the other day (and I had earned discipline in the morning that he had not been able to enact yet.). At the wedding reception I flirtatiously whispered, "Let's go home and reaffirm our covenant." And he replied, "Yes, we will reaffirm BOTH covenants." And he looked at me with a very intimate but stern look. To which I said, "Ok." - It ends arguments We used to have arguments that went on for days and days sometimes. Now he stops them when he has had enough. And this is hard, I won't lie. It can feel unjust. It can feel like he doesn't want to hear me out and that feels unkind and unfair. But I am learning to trust him to have this power, that there are good and bad ways for me to express things and he gets to umpire what the bad ways are and end them, unequivocally. It is the hardest thing to take a spanking from someone when I feel that "someone" is shutting me down and not listening. But I take it anyway, and in the new frame of mind the chastisement brings, it always turns out to be a good break in the situation, even if we revisit what I was trying to say later on different terms. - It creates order This sort of goes along with the "ending arguments" item because it does put a limit on the chaos that fighting can bring. But the order goes beyond that, to the order of chores completed or money not spent. Permission needs to be sought and things have a more definitive structure in how our household and marriage runs. - It helps me change bad habits I am a space cadet. And I'm lazy, I'll admit it. And I like to spend money. All of that is under his control and leadership now, and I like the "self" discipline that discipline enforces. It also gives me an external accountability for things that I should be internally motivated to do, but sometimes don't (like, not texting in the car) which increases the internal motivation. - It calls him to better character and to manage his emotions well Since we've started this, the number of times I've seen him come an apologize to me for his own wrongs is staggering. In the past I felt like he was allergic to apologizing. Now he comes to me, without prompting, and apologizes for getting annoyed at me or somesuch. I guess it's convicting when you spank someone for bad behavior but have bad behavior yourself -- it doesn't last long without him doing an about-face and that's amazing to see. - It charges our sex life with more passion Many many disciplinary couples testify to this, and we are no different. I don't believe this is anything to be ashamed of and it doesn't mean we're doing something weird. The yin/yang of masculine and feminine energies, of dominant and submissive, charge our sexual interest towards each other (when things are flowing rightly between us.) - It fulfills male / female romantic fantasies and removes the need to carry unfulfilled hunger Many women, me included, have fantasized throughout or lives of being spanked by a dominant person. And many men have fantasies of being that dominant person. But for much of my life at least, those fantasies were treated as "bad" and suppressed. The beauty here is that we can actually fulfill each others hidden desires, but not as some mere fantasy, but as a cohesive, connected, wholesome pattern of life as a couple together. at October 31, 2022 Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest Labels: arousal, attitude, BIble, confidence, deeds, discipline, God, leadership, purpose, rationale, sexual energy, submission